Valentines Day is such a bullshit holiday to me, hallmark status to the max. I feel like there are more bitter single people in the world than couples anyway, me slightly being one of them. The only thing good about valentines day is all the discounted red lipstick and half priced candles.
I am currently single as hell, but I’m ok with it, thats why I’m drunk off sangria on what is extended past Valentines and into a Friday. (TFGIF I guess). There’s just an edge to this day, everything you do has a deeper meaning. Washing the dishes turns into, “oh, I’m washing one dish, a plate for one, alone *sighh*” yikes. Everything becomes just super sad. Me drinking on any day, whatever, cheers all around! Me drinking with friends today “aww, single ladies. How Sex and The City” Crap, you can’t win.
Even though I spent my Valentines stuffing my face with overpriced sushi with girlfriends and attempting to get laid, slightly, here is a list of ways a single gal can spend Valentines, or any day really if you’re the… type, I suppose
25 THINGS A SINGLE GAL CAN DO ON VALENTINES.
1. Don’t listen to Taylor Swift, you are not a cliche
2. Tweet your sadness, a lot.
3. Instead of picking petals thinking “he loves me he loves me not”, take shots of vodka.
4. Listen to Lana Del Rey while drunkenly looking at photos of men that you will never have
5. Trying to remember that guy you met at a bars phone number you deleted
6. Call numerous variations of that number
7. Go to LACMA (if you live in los angeles) and photo bomb the couples taking cutesy pictures in front.
8. Go to see safe haven and take a shot every time something stupid happens
9. Save your money and download safe haven and take a shot every time something stupid happens
10. Interrupt your therapists dinner date by calling them to help you pin point why you are single
11. Find a volleyball and draw a face on it a la castaway, not so lonely anymore!
12. Read 50 shades of grey
13. Drunkenly watch porn and try to understand it.
14. Avoid eating chocolate because you are not a cliche
15. Plan your wedding
16. Think of baby names
17. Change those baby names into cat names
18. Go buy a bunch of cats. might as well start collecting now
19. Go to home depot and buy cactus, you can’t handle a cat, you can’t even get a boyfriend
19. Call your local radio station and make song dedications to yourself.
20. Try to sleep with your neighbor.
21. Get drunk and get yelled and by a different neighbor for being to loud at 1am
22. Drink the pain away, it’s all you can do at this point
23. Revisit boyfriends pasts and attempt to piece together what the fuck your life is
24. Try to sleep your neighbor again and ultimately pass out craving pancakes like you never have in your life.
25. Write a blogpost and be really passive aggressive about it.